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Exodus: Gods and Kings

It's pretty useless to expect that Hollywood will get anything even remotely right when it comes to ancient Egyptian history, yet somehow I keep hoping. Granted, Ramses II doesn't really deserve the title of 'the Great', which is usual for rulers who give that sort of nickname to themselves like he did, but the amount of things they got wrong is still pretty breathtaking. I was really hoping we were done with the myth that everything in ancient Egypt was built by slave labor, but they didn't even manage to get that right.

I have no idea if it's historically accurate, but I loved the headdress.

Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part I

Apparently, thousands upon thousands of hours have been spent by various people on trying to create a definitive map of Panem, since author Suzanne Collins didn't provide one. Oversight, or clever marketing strategy? You decide! All I know is that when I went looking for a map because I was curious as to where District 13 had been hiding all this time, no two of them were exactly alike, like snowflakes.

The Mockingjay. There's a neat little animation of this after the credits.


I admit, I was a little nervous about this one, partly because of the run time (169 minutes is a considerable length of time to sit in even the most comfy chair), and partly because the previews were pretty vague. It seemed like I might be heading for some sort of terrifying hybrid of Transformers and Skyline.

A black hole. Technically you shouldn't be able to see it, but that's no fun.


No, not Nightcrawler of the X-Men, but that's okay, because it was still a good movie and he wouldn't really have fit in anyway. The premise does seem a little strange -- 'Nightcrawler' here refers to a sort of independent contractor who chases police calls taking video of accidents and crime scenes so they can sell the footage to the news stations -- but it's a real thing that people do in large cities. Teleportation would certainly be helpful, but super powers are not required, just an incredible amount of nerve.

Lou realizes that he's forgotten to buy toothpaste.


This probably isn't the best movie to see the same weekend as The Book of Life, since it really was hard to switch gears and write this review. It doesn't help that I'm not entirely sure what to say about this one, either, since at times it was very good and at other times I found myself wondering why, exactly, they had put a particular scene in, as sometimes it seemed like they were just trying to be artsy or surreal or something.

Fury's crew in a rare moment when they're not all harassing each other.

The Book of Life

This didn't quite seem like a kids' movie, despite being animated -- after all, it's about people dying and going to the afterlife -- but kids' movie it was, and again I felt a little weird about being in the theatre. I really think it would have freaked me out a little when I was a kid, though of course I'm a coward.

I just had to use a picture of La Muerte's wonderful hat.

Dracula Untold

At least this time there's a different problem with the movie -- this one was edited too much, as opposed to last week, when it wasn't edited nearly enough. It's too bad there isn't a way to average them out somehow, except then we'd end up with a movie about a vampire trying to find his missing wife while fending off scary hordes of rampaging Turks and reporters.

A nice picture of Luke Evans in his very cool dragon armor.

Gone Girl

Ben Affleck playing a sociopath usually works out all right, and this movie was no exception. When he doesn't have to try to show normal human emotion I like him a lot better, much like Keanu Reeves. As it turns out, what I should have been worried about was the editing, or maybe it was just that Gillian Flynn, the author of the novel this is based on and who also wrote the screenplay, wouldn't let anyone edit anything out.

Nick awkwardly attempts one of those 'smiles' he's heard so much about.

The Equalizer

It's only getting worse -- not only are they still remaking shows I haven't seen, they're remaking shows I've barely even heard of. I didn't even know this was a remake until a friend of mine casually mentioned that he wanted to see this movie because he'd liked the TV show. Then I vaguely remembered the show's existence, though I thought the main character was a retired cop. He isn't, in either incarnation; he's ex-CIA, though of course the movie version is at least 27 times scarier than the TV version due to ratings issues.

What do you see when you look at Robert? One scary guy, that's what I see.

The Maze Runner

All these movies based on post-apocalyptic-style teen novels are starting to blur together, but I'll see what I can do. It was a little odd -- I mean, you'd expect Hunger Games to attract a range of ages because it was a hugely popular book, and even Divergent attracted more than just the teen crowd, but this time around I really felt like I was in the wrong theatre.

The maze from above. Looks intimidating, doesn't it?
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