Right. I’ve decided to pretend that this isn’t a Fantastic Four movie, since it could have just as easily been about any random group of people getting weird super-powers. Mind you, even the most successful self-deception isn’t going to make this into a good movie, but at least it makes it less painful to my childhood memories of reading the FF comics. And Michael Bay wasn’t even involved.
I was ready to give up on ever finishing this review — frankly, I almost fell asleep in the theatre, which doesn’t exactly inspire me to write — but it occurred to me that this would be good practice for writing about the next Fantastic Four movie, so here I am.