MovieCriticND's blog

In Time

In the future -- I can't tell you when, but it must be pretty far -- people can live forever. The catch is that you need lots of money for that, so things haven't changed much, really. Since having that happen because of better medical treatments and hormone therapies and such isn't very dramatic, they have a distinctly sci-fi twist here. When you're born, you age normally until your 25th birthday. The second you turn twenty-five, your body stops aging and your clock starts ticking down. No, seriously.

The nifty glowing green readout that tells you how long you can keep breathing.

The Three Musketeers

I've read that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, when writing a Sherlock Holmes story, used to start with the solution and then fill in the plot and clues that would lead to that solution. My suspicion is that something similar happened here. I think someone said, "Hey, you know what would be really cool? If there was an airship battle over Notre Dame that knocked gargoyles off the roof!" Then someone else said that it would be even better if they were steampunky airships, and then someone else said that it would be even better if there was lots and lots of swordfighting, too.

3 Musketeers + 1 horse with a bad dye job. Worse, her name is Buttercup.

The Thing

Once upon a time, a crazy Norwegian man in Antarctica tried to shoot a dog, and before anyone knew quite what was happening, a horror movie called The Thing broke out. Now yet another horror movie called The Thing has popped up out of nowhere. Well, yes, out of Antarctica again, but that's basically the middle of nowhere. This flick is, as you may have heard, more a prequel than a remake of the original, though I'm told some scenes are fairly similar.

Movie posters one and two.  Or two and one, depending on how you look at it.

Real Steel

In 1956, a man named Richard Matheson had a short story called "Steel" published in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, and it was good. Then it was made into an episode of The Twilight Zone, also called "Steel", and it was less good. Now, with the word "Real" tacked onto the front of the title, it's made the leap to the big screen -- sort of, since it's only very loosely based on the story. But if you think this sounds uncomfortably like the horror that was The Box, don't worry.

Charlie, Bailey, and Max gape at Atom as he comes to life.

Dream House

Once upon a time, there were two little girls who lived in a house in the middle of a forest. Actually, it's in the middle of a subdivision in the middle of a forest, but sometimes it really does seem like it's terribly isolated and some scary guy is going to get you before you can run across the street to the neighbors' house.

Daniel Craig explores his dream house's spooky, badly-lit basement.

Killer Elite

I think I like this movie, except now I can't think of anything to say about it, really, which is usually a bad sign. It's like stand-up comedy, maybe -- as long as you're getting some reaction from the audience, that isn't out and out booing, there's still hope. Indifference is the worst possible sign, and that seems to work for movies, too.

Jason Statham demonstrates his trademark Flying Killer Chair move on Clive Owen.


This time, the movie really is based on the book of the same name, by James Sallis. The main character in Drive is Driver, so that's easy to remember. Well, Driver isn't actually his name, at least I don't think it is, but that's what everyone calls him. Hugh Jackman almost played the character, which would've been funny if he had, since his character in Australia was called Drover.

Driver, Irene, and Benicio out driving, because what else would they do?


First of all, I've seen a few places around the net where people are asking if this is based on the book Contagion by Robin Cook. I've even spotted a few places where people are warning others away from the film, because it's so totally nothing like the book they should just go read it instead of bothering with the flick. Well, here's the thing -- it's nothing like the novel because it isn't based on the novel. A guy named Scott Z. Burns wrote the script.

The movie poster, since I couldn't possibly choose just one star.

Apollo 18

For some odd reason, the imdb lists the names of the three main actors in this film, but doesn't list character names -- they're down as uncredited. Which is wrong; they're just credited at the end of the film instead of the beginning, but apparently that confused someone over there. Maybe they'll fix it later. In any case, let me satisfy your curiosity, if you're anxious to know who plays who.

Nate realizes that he is not quite alone.

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

Once upon a time, a little girl was sent on a long journey to live with her father and her stepmother in a castle in a tiny kingdom called Rhode Island. That isn't quite right, since it's just a really big house, and her father isn't actually married to the new lady in his life, but this is, in the end, a fairy tale, all right.

Sally crawls under her bed, because she fears nothing!