MovieCriticND's blog

The Warrior's Way

Once upon a time, two clans somewhere in the Far East were at war with each other. Neither side was willing to back down until every person on the other side was dead. Why? I couldn't tell you. If you want to know why things happen in this movie, prepare for disappointment.

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Ninjas floating through the air.  But why??

Tangled

Now, I've reviewed kids' movies before, and it hasn't been that bad -- aside from the embarrassing moment at Planet 51 when I realized that I really should have brought a kid along so I'd be less conspicuous. But thanks to the fact that it was Thanksgiving, or maybe the fact that this was Disney's 50th animated film, or just my sheer bad luck, this time things were more like what you'd expect to find at a kids' movie. That is to say, lots of kids, none of whom seemed willing either to sit still or to be quiet.

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The lanterns being released from the palace on Rapunzel's birthday.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part I

There's no such thing as a casual Harry Potter fan anymore. I mean, maybe there never was, but there certainly isn't anymore. For instance, I used to be able to go to the Harry Potter movies and, y'know, grasp what was going on.

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Ministry of Magic M on the left; Magic: the Gathering M on the right.

Unstoppable

It's the weekend of one word movie titles! Unstoppable > Skyline, and I'm not basing that on the number of letters in the name.

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Chris and Denzel head out for another day of saving the universe.

Skyline

The trailer looked so cool. It was such a mysterious teaser, I really wanted to see the film. But now I know why it was so mysterious. If they'd actually shown us anything of the movie except special effects shots, no one would have paid to see it.

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The real stars of the film: the alien ships and the things that go boom.

Megamind

If you've seen the 1978 Superman movie, with Marlon Brando as Jor-El, then a good part of this movie will give you déjà vu. Will Farrell doesn't do a very good Marlon Brando impression, but then, it isn't really supposed to be all that good. I don't think so, anyway. Will Farrell was actually quite bearable, that's the point.

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Megamind and Metro Man: The eyebrows have it.

Saw 3-D

Since I can't possibly eat dinner, I might as well write this review now. There was an anniversary special for a small soda and a small popcorn for fifty cents, which was nice of them, but it didn't matter. After the first five minutes, I really couldn't bear the thought of chewing anything.

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The car booby-trap, featuring an 8-track tape.

Hereafter

For the first few minutes, you'll think you walked into a disaster flick by mistake, but hang in there. Marie Lelay (Cécile De France, Around the World in 80 Days) is a high-powered TV reporter on vacation in an island paradise with her boyfriend/producer Didier (Thierry Neuvic) when a tsunami hits. Tsunamis, as I learned in my Geophysics class, are caused by earthquakes in or near the sea bed, or underwater volcanic activity, and shouldn't be called tidal waves because they have nothing to do with tides.

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George and Melanie stumble through the worst first date in history.

Red

Red isn't a reference to the color, though of course there's a lot of blood. Nor is it a nickname -- there are no redheads in sight. It's actually an acronym, though if you haven't read the graphic novel, I won't spoil the surprise by telling you what it stands for. And yes, this was based on a graphic novel of the same name, by writer Warren Ellis and artist Cully Hamner. I think a couple of people in the audience were a little startled to see the DC logo in the opening credits, actually.

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Helen Mirren and one of her impeccable selection of really big guns.

My Soul to Take

You know the drill. Years ago, a creepy serial killer terrorized a small town, promised to get all the people who betrayed him -- though in this case, he means his other personalities -- then disappeared, etc. He also killed his pregnant wife and killed or wounded probably half the Riverton police force. Also, seven babies were born, some prematurely, on the day that Creepy Serial Killer was killed. At least the day he was supposedly killed, since as usual, his body was never found and he was presumed to have gone into the river. I don't know why people make such silly assumptions.

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The cast at the annual ritual banishing.