Dominic West

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Q: What do you call one hundred Persians at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.

I like Frank Miller -- he's been at the forefront of getting comics and graphic novels recognized as serious work, and I'm glad of that -- so I was looking forward to this film. And now, though I may be a lone voice crying in the wilderness, I have to say that I didn't really like it. Sigh.

Image: 
Leonidas and his six-pack. Gorgo laments her unfortunate name (and wardrobe.)

John Carter

The movie 79 years in the making! That's usually a very bad sign, of course. As a general rule, the longer a film lingers "in development", the worse it gets. Apparently it resets after three-quarters of a century or so, though, since this one doesn't seem to have suffered much.

Image: 
The infamous white apes in the arena, trying to eat John