Willem Dafoe

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Everyone can stop wondering what to do about the oil shortage, or the water shortage, or climate change. By 2019, we'll all be vampires anyway, and we can all worry about the blood shortage!

Ed, Audrey, Elvis, and their crossbows sit down for a little chat.

John Carter

The movie 79 years in the making! That's usually a very bad sign, of course. As a general rule, the longer a film lingers "in development", the worse it gets. Apparently it resets after three-quarters of a century or so, though, since this one doesn't seem to have suffered much.

The infamous white apes in the arena, trying to eat John