William Fichtner

warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/drupal6/drupal-6.38/modules/taxonomy/taxonomy.pages.inc on line 33.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

I've mentioned before that I don't generally remember the names of the directors unless they're either incredibly good or incredibly bad. Guess which category Michael Bay fits into? I think the first one of his I saw -- at least the first one where I knew it was one of his movies -- was when I rented Pearl Harbor, somewhat against my better judgment given that Ben Affleck was in it, so it's no surprise that his name gives me some pretty bad flashbacks sometimes. Technically he's the producer here, but that doesn't help much.

Image: 
I went with Shredder, because he's at least visually interesting.

Elysium

By 2154, the gap between rich and poor has widened to, oh, about 1,200 miles or so. That's 1,200 miles straight up, by the way, as anyone you'd call wealthy has moved up to the Elysium space station, a land of trees, rolling hills, swimming pools, and large, pristine houses. Robotic servants tend to everyone's needs, medical science can heal virtually anything, and life is Perfect.

Image: 
Matt Damon as Max Da Costa. He can save me anytime.

The Lone Ranger

I accidentally noticed that the reviews for this movie were very mixed -- surprisingly, since I have to admit I wasn't expecting to hear anything good about it at all -- and now I know why, since I'm still making up my mind about it. It was definitely better than I expected, though I can't decide if that actually puts it into the category of "good" or not.

Image: 
Silver & Tonto, with John Reid in the back. The horse is the smartest one.

Phantom

The opening credits helpfully inform us that the movie is inspired by true events. This means about what it usually means in a Hollywood movie, which is to say that they took five or six basic facts, shook them around a little, and put them into a general outline that probably actually does have a little something to do with the actual circumstances. What really happened is that a Soviet submarine on maneuvers in the Pacific sank under doubtful circumstances in 1968.

Image: 
Demi and Pavlov. No, Pavlov's mustache is not the super-gadget.

Drive Angry

I sort of feel like I just watched Machete again. It was another movie that seems to have set out to be really bad in the hopes of turning out really good. It was less bloody, had slightly more plot, and Nicolas Cage is far less ugly than Danny Trejo, but it still seemed a lot like watching Machete. This was Machete Light, I guess.

Image: 
Hell is already walking the earth. I mean, driving the earth.