Drive Angry

Hell is already walking the earth. I mean, driving the earth.

I sort of feel like I just watched Machete again. It was another movie that seems to have set out to be really bad in the hopes of turning out really good. It was less bloody, had slightly more plot, and Nicolas Cage is far less ugly than Danny Trejo, but it still seemed a lot like watching Machete. This was Machete Light, I guess.

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The Eagle

Marcus and Esca eye each other warily for the four thousandth time.

There’s something of a legend around the Ninth Legion of the Roman Empire. More properly called the Legio IX Hispania, or the Spanish Legion — not because they were from Spain, but because they helped beat that area into submission in the 40’s B.C.E. — the story says that they were wiped out in the Scottish Highlands by fierce Celtic warriors in about 120 A.D. Five thousand men were lost, and after that humiliating defeat the emperor Hadrian built the wall that now bears his name, to keep those scary Picts out of the civilized world.
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The Cave of the Swallows, playing the Esa-ala caves.

Beware. Almost nothing in this film is what it seems to be. The Esa-ala caves in New Guinea, where this was supposedly filmed, don’t actually exist. The breathtaking entrance to the caves, a yawning hole that just seems to pop up out of nowhere in the middle of a jungle, is the entrance to the Cave of the Swallows in Mexico. As for the rest of the cave system, it’s all either CGI or crafted soundstage stuff based on the various caves the crews scouted.
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