Ant-Man

The Ant-Man and his trusty steed, the flying ant.

Somehow Marvel keeps taking chances on weird titles like Guardians of the Galaxy and now Ant-Man and turning them into weird hits. I’m not sure how they’re managing this, exactly, but if anyone ever figures it out then all major Hollywood studios need to be informed immediately so that the secret will hopefully not be lost.

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Eagle Eye

The obligatory chase scene with the dome of the Capitol in the background.

Someone’s probably watching you right now. In this day and age, we all know that. Thanks to cameras the size of gnats and the general paranoia of the 21st century, if you live in a city that has the internet capability for you to read this, you might be on candid camera. So a lot of the things that are meant to shock and surprise in this movie really… don’t. Maybe that’s my personal paranoia, but it no longer shocks me to contemplate being tracked down on a busy street while driving because the traffic cameras have facial recognition software.

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Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter

The journey of a thousand vampires begins with but a single tree.

Vampires — at least in this movie — are a lot like ninjas. Both like the shadows, can theoretically kill you silently and in the blink of an eye, and the more there are of them, the easier it is to kill them. Go toe to toe with one vampire — or ninja — and you’re lucky to escape with your life. Find yourself surrounded by three dozen of them, taking them all down will be about as easy as swatting a bunch of flies.

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Man on a Ledge

Lydia prepares to overpower Nick and haul him bodily back inside.

These days, all you really have to do to get your proverbial fifteen minutes of fame is to go out on a high ledge. That doesn’t do me any good, since I’m scared of heights and also sometimes get dizzy spells, so I can’t actually use that as my next attempt to get myself some more site traffic. It would probably be super-effective, though, at least if I did it in New York. Just ask Sam Worthington, formerly of Clash of the Titans and soon to be also of Wrath of the Titans.

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Real Steel

Charlie, Bailey, and Max gape at Atom as he comes to life.

In 1956, a man named Richard Matheson had a short story called “Steel” published in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, and it was good. Then it was made into an episode of The Twilight Zone, also called “Steel”, and it was less good. Now, with the word “Real” tacked onto the front of the title, it’s made the leap to the big screen — sort of, since it’s only very loosely based on the story. But if you think this sounds uncomfortably like the horror that was The Box, don’t worry.
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