Jupiter Ascending

Jupiter with gun. She doesn't need any rescuing at the moment, thanks.

I wasn’t too sure what to make of the previews for this movie, which makes sense since now I’m not sure what to make of the movie. It was fun and all, I wasn’t bored, but it also never quite grabbed me like it should have. But let me try explaining a little of the plot and see if I can figure out where things might have gone a bit awry.

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Oz: The Great and Powerful

The China Girl hurries to save the day. Isn't she the cutest thing?

The other day, I mentioned to someone that this movie was coming out, explaining that it was a prequel to The Wizard of Oz. The reply I got: “Isn’t that Wicked?” Research shows that Wicked is in fact a prequel of sorts, so I guess now there are two, because there’s certainly no continuity between movie and musical / novel, not even in the names of the characters. Someone needs to take charge of this mess and decide what’s canon and what isn’t.

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Max Payne

Real version and video game version. Mark Wahlberg is the one on the left.

The Movie Critic Next Door™: Watching the Bad Movies so You Don’t Have To.

And yes, this one was really bad. Not that I expect much from a movie based on a video game, but even with low expectations it was still a disappointment. In a video game, it’s probably very useful to be able to identify the main villain at first glance, but in a film it’s just boring. When you know who the villains are, but the hero doesn’t (and should), then it gets both boring and frustrating. You can see where I’m going with this.

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Black Swan

Natalie Portman and Natalie Portman have a staring contest.

I have to admit, I only had a vague idea of the plot of Swan Lake before this. You don’t need to know it before you go, though; they explain it in the film rather a lot. For instance, Natalie Portman as ballerina Nina Sayers — and yeah, the Nina Ballerina thing is unfortunate — explains the ballet to a random guy she just met who’s clearly too busy trying to figure out how he can get into her pants to bother listening.

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