Noah

The ark as geysers appear to help the flooding along. Thar she blows!

Someone asked me yesterday if I’d liked the movie, and I had to say I wasn’t sure yet. I’m still not quite sure, actually, though that may be partly because, though I wasn’t sure what to expect, I certainly didn’t expect rock monsters. I’m no biblical scholar, but I’m pretty sure those aren’t even in the Apocrypha. All right, technically they’re fallen angels, but they look like rock monsters and they can get pretty mean.

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Edge of Darkness

Mel Gibson with gun. Do you feel lucky, punk?  Well, do you?

I left this movie fully expecting to spot a mysterious black SUV following me, or possibly just get shot dead when I least expect it, since that was what kept happening on the screen. It was almost two solid hours of nearly jumping out of my seat whenever someone got shot, enough time to relax very slowly and get comfy again, then another huge bang, another dead person, and me left wondering if the next such jolt would make me accidentally fling Milk Duds all over the people in the next row.
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Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Just because he always works at night does not make him a grave robber.

That’s the longest title I’ve had to type out yet, I think. But admit it; you’re humming the theme right now. You can’t help it. There are people in Outer Mongolia who know that tune. And it’s all back — the hat, the whip, the wild stunts, and the uniformed bad guys. Okay, this time they’re Soviet soldiers instead of Nazis, but close enough.

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Snow White and the Huntsman

I wanted a shot of Ravenna turning into a cloud of ravens, but no such luck.

Once upon a time — because really, how else can you start a review of a fairy tale? — there was a girl named Kristen Stewart who beat out half the up and coming young actresses in Hollywood to play Snow White. She was Bella in Twilight but I tried not to hold that against her. It wasn’t any easier to cast the Huntsman, apparently. Tom Hardy was one of the candidates, and Viggo Mortensen of Lord of the Rings considered it for months before dropping out. Hugh Jackman was asked, but didn’t want it. They even considered — wait for it — Johnny Depp. Ugh.

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